Texas Renaissance Festival

Texas Renaissance Festival
Texas Renaissance Festival

It is the dream of every free man and woman in the world to re-live that glorious time period that woke humanity up from the Dark Age and propelled it towards modernity: The Renaissance. Or at least that’s what the organizers of the Texas Renaissance Festival in Platersville, Texas would want you to believe.

I attended for the first time ever a couple of weeks ago. First let me get this out of the way: As far as this thing is concerned, there is no effort whatsoever to portray things in a historically manner. Sort of how Taco Bell doesn’t try to accurately portray Mexican food.

Now that we got this out of the way and you are comfortable being surrounded by people dressed up as Romans, Greeks, Middle Age peasants, Star Wars stormtroopers, etc. you can get to the fun part. The festival is much bigger and interesting than I’d have suspected, but granted, my expectations were low. They have built this really large village, with actual permanent buildings. The thing is very large. And they filled it with people dressed in ridiculous costumes who speak with a funny English accent and eat turkey legs with their hands. And that’s all good because I like dressing with ridiculous costumes, I speak with a funny English accent, and I like eating turkey legs.

Read more to see more photographic evidence.

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True story (too good to make up): The guy selling these handsome cloaks lectured us for about 45 minutes on how Europeans today wear cloaks a lot. He also lectured us on the quality of the cloth used (the same used on couches)... he claimed that if you ever find yourself covered in mud, you can just hose yourself clean. I'm sure this could happen when you go dragon slaying or such.
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A performer gets ready for the traditional "Running of the Jew".
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Get all your S&M gear exclusively at the Texas Renaissance Festival! Who would have thought!
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Jousting: The favorite activity of the Renaissance man.
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A few of my friends could really use installing a door like this. No names.

2 thoughts on “Texas Renaissance Festival”

  1. Don’t forget the part where he said that the U.S. is just slow to catch up to Europe, but that he foresees cloaks in our near future as well… in fact, doctors are already starting to wear them here.
    $20 to the first person who finds me a cloaked doctor!

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